Nuts
by Preminiscence
Summary: One-shot. L wants Light's nuts. Random crack!fic. Rated T to be safe. Implied L x Light slash - so don't say you didn't know.


_**A/N:** This was thought up late last night (or early in the morning, whatever you count midnight as), when I desperately wanted to write some L x Light. It turned out a… little different than expected :D_

_It's not my best writing (maybe it would be if my ideas didn't come to me during the hours when even Shinigami don't roam), but I hope it's alright for my first Death Note fic : )_

_**Warnings: **__Uhm, bad characterization? (Please tell me if it's truly bad, so I can get better) Implied slash, innuendo, some random sleep-deprived plot bunny…_ _(Fear it)_

_**Disclaimer: **__… I admit it, I don't own Death Note. This saddens me greatly, but I *do* own the box set and have been watching it obsessively._

* * *

_**Nuts**_

* * *

"Light-kun?"

… There was a pause. No answer.

"… Light?"

Nothing.

"… _Kira?"_

"Would you _stop_ calling me that!" Light snapped, spinning to face L awkwardly on his chair, eyes flashing in annoyance as the chain clinked softly between them.

"But you responded," L pointed out, something akin to bemusement flittering across his pale complexion.

"Only because you'd then claim I was keeping silent to make you believe I wasn't Kira, even though my very silence suggested I am; which I'm not!" It was a weak argument, but nevertheless Light's insistent gaze bore into L, who shifted his weight and stared back.

Eventually Light broke the stalemate, sighing in resignation; "what do you want, Ryuuzaki?"

L's pitch eyes remained pointedly fixated on Light as he spoke; "you have what I want."

Light blinked. "H-huh?" Seemingly without meaning to, Light's breathing hitched and he had to really focus on L's mouth in order to catch his words through the haze that surrounded him.

"Look, it is right there, protruding from your pocket."

Light's cheeks blossomed into a vivid scarlet. "W-what are you implying, Ryuuzaki?" He refused to look *_down there*._

"Ah," L's lips twisted into one of his rare distorted smiles; "you want to hear me describe it to you. Very well. It is fairly large - long, thick and wide. Although I haven't tasted it yet it must be quite delicious. I really do want it. Would you… *give* it to me, Light-kun?" L's eyes widened like a puppy's, and he liked his lips in anticipation.

It was getting too much for Light. He shifted awkwardly in his seat, gaining a curious look from L.

"What is wrong, Light-kun? Don't tell me you're unsure… I doubt the heat from your pants has warmed it *too* considerably. At least, I'm eighty-percent sure it hasn't melted by now." L cocked his head and gazed almost longingly towards the general area of Light's crotch.

Light, who had zoned out into fantasy-world by the word 'pants', had tuned back in long enough to catch 'melted'.

"Ryuuzaki…" Light began, a sinking feeling starting to form in his chest; "what do you mean… *melted*?"

L was looking at him as if he were a small, incomprehensible child. Light was not used to this, and would thoroughly say he didn't like being looked at in such a way; if only it wasn't *L* who was looking at him so. "I'm not sure what there is to misinterpret, Light-kun; I only want your nuts."

Light nearly passed out right there.

"If you will not permit me them, I will be forced to take action. They are deliciously succulent, after all."

"R-Ryuu…" Light gasped, struggling to get his words out; "_L… _answer me just one thing… are you trying… to *seduce* me?"

L blinked.

"L?"

"I'm replaying our previous conversation. Please be quiet."

Light bit back a retort, but complied. The wait was shorter than expected, for - a couple of seconds later - L blinked again and turned his large, comprehending eyes back on Light's tensed body.

"Light-kun, if I had wanted to sleep with you I would have just asked."

Light frowned minutely, trying to control his thoughts. "Okay, we'll confront your lack of tact later, but first; if you weren't after… me… then what *were* you after?"

In response, L reached forward with deft fingers, tantalisingly close to their previous 'topic', only to pull a Snickers bar from Light's pocket. Tenderly peeling the wrapper open, Light could only watch with a certain detachment as L nibbled expertly at the tip.

"… I hate you."

L smirked around the chocolate's sensual raft - eyes watching Light almost mischievously - as the pleasure of his treat erupted through his body. "There is only one appropriate reply to that, Light-kun."

Light shifted again, fearing the worst. It came.

"Get some nuts!"

* * *

_**A/N: **__Yaaay, you reached the end! :D Just for reference, pants was referring to underwear, not trousers. Also, if you don't know what Snickers are or the phrase 'get some nuts', it's a nutty chocolate bar which is advertised by Mr. T (or B.A from the A-Team) yelling 'GET SOME NUTS!' at people with none : )_

_Nooot entirely sure whether L would say that, but it's just a random idea I decided to type up. Although it did look longer in my notebook, lol._


End file.
